Page 10 - SeptemberOctober24 Report

Coping with
Aging Parents
10
THE REPORT | September/October 2024 | CincyBar.org
At the Ohio Lawyers Assistance Program (OLAP), we help judges and lawyers cope with life’s challenges. Whether you need help with a mental health issue, a substance abuse disorder, burnout, or stress, we can help. A common issue at OLAP is lawyers who are burned out, not from practicing law, but from being the caretaker of an aging parent.
It is estimated 53 million Americans, or nearly 20% of the general population, provide care for an older adult, or someone living with illness or disability.1 Whether your parent lives at home or in an assisted living facility, being the caretaker and deci- sion-maker for your parent’s needs is a challenging and stressful situation, especially for a judge or a lawyer who has clients to care for as well. Paying your parent’s bills, helping them bathe, cleaning their house, buying groceries, making their medical decisions, visiting them in their assisted living home—these activities add up to a significant amount of time.
A survey from JAMA Intern Med determined that care- givers spend anywhere from 8.3 hours to 28.1 hours per week helping their parents.2 This is a tremendous amount of time for legal professionals who work full-time, have a family to raise, and households to run. The same study found that care- givers who provide substantial help with their parent’s care are 1.8 times more likely to experience emotional difficulty. How do you manage your home life, your work life, and your parent’s life without becoming depressed and burned out?
Take Care of Yourself First
You know the drill. You must take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Being a caregiver is a stressful job that can take an emotional, physical, and financial toll. Eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise.
Make sure you set realistic boundaries. Determine exactly what you will provide for your parent and stick to it. For example,
By Scott R. Mote
if your parent still lives at home, choose set days and times of when you will visit. Pick a time where you will not accept phone calls. If your parent lives in an assisted living facility, make a visi- tation schedule so the parent does not expect daily visits. It is very difficult to say no to your aging parent, but you must get in the habit of not doing everything he or she asks. If so, you will become burned out and be at risk of depression or illness.
Ask for Help
Whether it be from a sibling, a spouse, significant other, or you need to hire an elder law attorney, ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. There is only so much you can handle in one day. If you have a sibling, make a schedule where you take turns providing care. If you don’t have other family members, check with friends or members in your community who might be able to help.
Do not be afraid to tell your employer, colleagues, courts, opposing counsel, etc., that you are dealing with an aging parent if you need space/time. Just about all of us must do this at some time.
Determine if Public Benefits are Available
Do your research on public benefits. There are many programs available, but you must find them.
• Eldercare Locator is a public service of the U.S. Admin- istration on Aging that connects you to services for older adults and their families.
• The National Council on Aging website locates benefit programs in your area.
• The Ohio Department on Aging provides information on local/county aging offices, too.